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About the Author | Table
of Contents | Words of Praise
Taking a look at the peculiarities and obsessions of runners,
I Run, Therefore I AmSTILL Nuts! captures the comedy
and the frustrations of the running life like no other book.
Humorist Bob Schwartz offers 43 new hilarious and insightful
essays interspersed with illustrations that complement the amusing
aspects of each story.
Whether you are just getting acquainted with the joys of running
or you can recite the brand and model number of your last 12
pairs of running shoes, youll identify with this book as
runners did with the popular first volume, I Run, Therefore
Best-selling running humorist Bob Schwartzthe Dave Barry
of runningis back and will once again have you laughing
as he captures the humor, craziness, and obsessions of runnersnew
and oldwith this new collection of 43 hilarious stories.
I Run, Therefore I AmSTILL Nuts! brings out the
humor in situations that every runner can relate to:
- Suffering from RWIA, otherwise known as running watch information
- The addictive nature of high-intensity interval training
- The depths of despair upon learning your favorite shoe will
- Embracing the saving grace of age-graded race time calculators
- Attempting to run with a reluctant canine companion
- Trying out running in the oxymoron of barefoot shoes
If you know that the iliotibial band is not an alternative
rock group, wear bruised toenails like badges of honor, and know
the feeling of having an elephant resting on your shoulders as
youve hit the wallthis book is for you!
About the Author
Bob Schwartz is the author of five books, including
the highly successful and hilarious I Run, There I AmNUTS!,
and a freelance writer whose popular articles have been published
in over 200 magazines. His humorous essays on running have appeared
in more than 40 national and international running magazines
and regional magazines, including Runner's World and Running
Bobs books have been finalists in the humor category
of the USA Book News Awards, the ForeWord Book Awards, the Benjamin
Franklin Book Awards, and the Independent Publisher Book Awards.
Bob has also won the Gold Award from the Parenting Publications
of America for his humorous essays on family life. Bob has presented
humorous talks at races throughout the United States.
Bob lives in Huntington Woods, Michigan, with his wife, Robin,
and three children. He graduated from the University of Colorado
and received his law degree from the University of Oregon. In
addition to his writing, he is the CEO of the Here to Help Foundation,
which he operates with his wife.
Bob raised over $50,000 through an ultramarathon benefiting
the Institute of Craniofacial Surgery and Reconstructive Surgery
and received the Dove Award from The Arc for implementing a basketball
program for people with physical and mental disabilities. Bob
also received the Avadenka Award from the State Bar of Michigan
for his community service. He founded the Cheetahs Running Club
in the Berkley School District of Michigan, for which he was
awarded a grant from the Saucony Run for Good Foundation.
In the universal language of runners, Bob has PRs of 2:42:13
for the marathon, 34:18 for the 10K, 1:16:08 for the half marathon,
and 58 seconds for the third-grade potato sack race.
Table of Contents
- Introduction: Its Staring You Right in the Feet
- Part I. Its All in the Approach to Make Your Runs
If it works, then dont nix it
- Chapter 1. Much Ado About Something
Style points equal mile points
- Chapter 2. Watch, What You Say To Me!
Flattery can come from the strangest places
- Chapter 3. We Could All Use a Little More Common Dense
Sometimes its best to Go Your Own Way.
- Chapter 4. H.I.I.T. Me With My Best Shot
Better fitness through masochism
- Part II. Whos Running With Me?
Alone in a Crowd vs Company While Going Solo
- Chapter 5. Solitary Refinement
So long solo long!
- Chapter 6. Look At Me Now
Is it conceit to tweet your feats?
- Chapter 7. Forecast: Partly Cloudy, Good Chance of Pain
Follow Sparky Andersons words on your way to nirvana
- Chapter 8. Every Dog Has Its Way
You can lead a dog, but you cant always make him a canine
- Part III. Lacing Em Up and Laying Em Down
Wins, Losses, and a Whole Lot in Between
- Chapter 9. What Are the Odds That Older and Slower Equals
Using your shortcomings to your advantage in the long run
- Chapter 10. Count Me in on Counting Me Out
Other challenges after erasing 100-mile races from your to-do
- Chapter 11. Refraining From Explaining
A poor race performance may be unjust, but needs no justification
- Chapter 12. Log Me In
Do elite runners put on their shorts one leg at a time?
- Part IV. The Road to Injury Is Paved With Foolish Intentions
Injuries come and go, but stubbornness remains
- Chapter 13. Runner, Heal Thyself!
Self-diagnosis begins with a dim guinea pig for a patient
- Chapter 14. The Impact Of Nonimpact
Finding true love with a sweat-inducing, quadriceps-exhausting
- Chapter 15. Behind Every Comeback Is a Foolhardy Failure
Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, runner rehab is in
- Chapter 16. Malady Malfeasance
There are more than two certainties in life
- Part V From the Back of the Pack to the Fleet Elite, Runners
Arent Run of the Mill
What some call quirks we call talents
- Chapter 17. If the Shoe Fits, Snare It!
Losing, then rediscovering, your favorite kicks
- Chapter 18. Running Is Elementary, My Dear
Simplicity is the father of ascension
- Chapter 19. Do What They Say and Watch the Day Zip Away
Operating by the book makes for a long read
- Chapter 20. Gesticulate in Kind
To acknowledge or not to acknowledge, that is the question
- Part VI. The Nonthinkers Guide to the Path of Least
Yoda says, Do or Do Not. There Is No Try.
- Chapter 21. Do What You Want to Do
Whatever starts your engine and puts a bounce in your step
- Chapter 22. Giving Yourself the Benefit of No Doubt
Sometimes its best to just stop thinking
- Chapter 23. More Than a Feeling
Take to the sky on a natural high
- Chapter 24. The Time Is Now
The times may be a-changing, but our infatuation with time is
- Part VII. The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Nonrunner
Weak in the knees while knee deep in anatomy
- Chapter 25 Woe Is Knee!
The inability to run a step is the first step to admitting you
have a problem
- Chapter 26 The Arms Have It
Youll have to stop weight bearing exercise for a
while. A survivors tale
- Chapter 27 Scope Me Out
A mans got to know his limitations. DirtyHarry
- Part VIII Jack of No Trades, Master of Run
Learning while on the run is all part of the fun
- Chapter 28 Lessons Learned, Lessons Spurned
Wacky wisdom gleaned from years on the run
- Chapter 29 Who Can Leap Standing Water in a Single Bound?
The peculiar talents of Runnerman and Runnerwoman
- Chapter 30 Phoning It In
Taking the talk test to a whole new level
- Chapter 31 Fashionable Fartleks
Wick me away!
- Part IX. Enjoying the View on the Competitive Drive
Keeping perspective is good, but elusive
- Chapter 32. To Thine Own Self Be You
There are multiple paths to the mountaintop. The key is finding
- Chapter 33. Climb Every Mountain, or at Least a Small Mound
Now and Then
Go with the flow and redefine slow
- Chapter 34. Just Lose, Baby!
There is joy in Mudville
- Chapter 35. Faster Finishing Counterparts
Setting the pace for the race within a race
- Part X. The Legs Have It! Dont Be Defeeted
Figuring out what will keep you on the streets
- Chapter 36. May the Stick Be With You!
The magic wand to the land of self-massage
- Chapter 37. Not Fully Baring My Sole
Less is more in more ways than one
- Chapter 38. Rhythm of the Run
There will be Dancing in the Street
- Chapter 39. Getting the Bends for Bending
Can a runner with the flexibility of concrete survive yoga?
- Part XI. Behind Every Nuts Runner Are Very Accepting Nonrunners
The Runners Family Knows Their RICE from Their DOMS
- Chapter 40. For Better or for Worse
A union of soles and souls
- Chapter 41. Over Hill, Over Dale, and Im Pale
Does the mud bath cost extra?
- Chapter 42. Have Shoes, Will Travel
Maintaining marital bliss on race-destination vacations
- APPENDIX: What Color Is Your Singlet?
Lactate or pronate? Swing gait vs heart rate?
Cool down with the runners quotient exam
- About the Author
- About the Illustrator
Words of Praise
In his quest to be a better runner, Bob Schwartz
has captured the true mindset of the distance runner. In I Run,
Therefore I AmSTILL Nuts! Schwartz articulates this with
Jean Knaack-- Executive Director, Road Runners Club of America
"A great many runners take their running extremely
seriously. Bob Schwartz does, too, but in a seriously funny way."
Rich Benyo-- Editor, Marathon & Beyond
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